


This is goodbye

by ella_whispers_what



Category: The Hobbit RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 06:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ella_whispers_what/pseuds/ella_whispers_what
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the last few days of filming and Aidan really doesn't want it to end. He's fallen in love with New Zealand. And maybe with a certain co-star...</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GreenSorceress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenSorceress/gifts).



> This is my first RPF - also my first time writing for a while... So feedback is very welcome.
> 
> This work is dedicated to Green Sorceress - of course. Mainly because you hassled me to write it til I actually did it!

Aidan stares into the mirror and Kíli stares back. It’s disconcerting, this face that he sees on posters and screens everywhere these days, this iconic image, himself endlessly multiplied and divided.

There’s a sick feeling in his gut and a heavy weight in his chest and Aidan tries to breathe through it, tries to use it, mould it and shape it into the emotion necessary for the scene. He attempts a laugh (not entirely successful) at his own dark mood. It’s funny how this scene is the one he’s been dreading all along, but for different reasons now than it was at the beginning. He takes one more look at Kíli in the mirror and marvels, as always, at the completeness of the transformation, then he’s up, out of the chair, striding out of the make-up trailer, onto the set and under the lights.

There’s tension in the morning air for sure and it isn’t all Aidan’s. Filming the Battle of Five Armies carries no small pressure. The fans dread and long for it in equal measure; the crew have no less conflicting feelings. Today is Fíli and Kíli’s death scene. 

Aidan breathes, low and deep, begins to walk with the heavy tread of the dwarf, feeling the fur-lined boots anchoring him to the ground. He feels the weight of dwarven culture, folklore, mystery; long-remembered songs voiced in low harmonies beneath the earth. But his heart is beating too fast, human-fast, and his breaths come quick and shaky, fluttering up through his chest. He risks a glance at Dean who looks calm and cool, as always. Only Aidan notices the tell-tale tension round his eyes. 

Instantly, Dean’s eyes meet his gaze, as if he’s been waiting all along for Aidan to look at him. Which is exactly the case, if Aidan’s own thoughts are anything to go by. Their gaze is heavy with touches unseen in the darkness, the weight of words left unsaid. Aidan looks away quickly, his heart thudding even faster now. He glances nervously around but no one else has noticed the silent exchange, even though it feels to Aidan so vivid that their sightlines should be visible in neon green like the CGI screens against they play out their parts.  
Peter begins to brief them on how he wants the scene played out, his gestures expansive, his voice strong and clear. He and Dean avoid looking at each other throughout this and Aidan can see in Peter’s eyes that this doesn’t go unnoticed.

The cameras roll under the hot lights, every member of the crew entirely focused, the moving parts of a well-honed machine. But it isn’t working, the scene’s off-key, they’re both out of character and they know it. Peter pushes them, pleads, cajoles, surprises, tries different tactics, uses all of his considerable skill to get them to where they need to be to make this work but eventually he calls it a day. His voice is soft and forgiving as he tells them to take a break but neither Aidan nor Dean can look him in the eye.

Outside in the cool rain, under long grey clouds, Aidan exhales a shaky breath. He lights a cigarette and draws in the smoke deeply, thankfully, feeling the smoke curl its familiar way through throat and lungs. He tilts his face up into the rain and opens his eyes wide to the sky in this country he has grown to love, with its strange configuration of stars now become familiar. And the sense of loss hits him square on – not just of this land with its big wild skies, but everything that’s happened here, all the friends he has made here who will soon disperse to their various corners of the world, but most of all of Dean – and the weight of it is so overwhelming that he turns tail and stumbles to his trailer like a blind man. All he wants right now is to be alone.

Aidan flops on the bed, kicking off Kíli’s boots. He wants to take off his heavy dwarf costume, dive under the duvet, stay there for the foreseeable future and just be done with the whole damn thing. But he knows Peter will call them back after an hour so he lies there with his eyes closed and tries to get his emotions back under control. But when he closes his eyes all he can see is Dean and it’s sweet torture because after today, there won’t be too many more days when they’ll be together all the time. He imagines Dean’s fingers twisting through his hair, Dean’s voice in his ear whispering in the darkness, the heat of their bodies together, all the things he knows can never be. He lets himself sink down into the sadness, feeling the pain wind its inevitable way through his brain. He waits for the knock at the door that will call him back to filming and save him from his thoughts.

When the knock comes, he wakes with a jolt. Cursing himself for falling asleep, he flings himself up off the bed and to the door. He wrenches it open with as much energy as he can muster and then his heart nearly stops. It’s Dean. Not Dean as Fíli but entirely himself. His hair is wet from the rain and his eyes are unusually bright, as if they too had caught some raindrops on his way to Aidan’s doorstep. He looks gorgeous and Aidan just stares.

He doesn’t realise how long he’s been standing there staring like an idiot until Dean grins and gestures with an open hand.  
“So,” he says, “can I come in? Or shall I just stand here in the rain while you remember how to speak?”

**Author's Note:**

> Some of Aidan’s thoughts on New Zealand are my own too. I am fortunate enough to be temporarily here in Middle Earth and currently working on my stay-in-NZ-forever-plan. Aotorea, the Maori name for NZ means ‘land of the long white cloud’ – I’ve discovered that more often than not, they’re long grey clouds! So I had fun working that in. I spend a lot of time looking at the stars out here – some of them are the same stars I see from my little corner of England but upside down, others are strange to me – and I figured Aidan would too. Thinking about having to leave here breaks my heart. So this story is, as much as anything, my love letter to New Zealand.


End file.
